Pedestal: Chapter 153

I stared down at him. His head was bowed now, but his voice had sounded... hollow. Just like Hanna's had.

"No." I looked up at her, still trying to process this development. For some reason, all I could latch on to was the fact that it might end before I lost anyone else.

Even if I'd lose him.

No, don't think like that, I thought at once, trying to get back onto my path of righteous fury. I thought of Carlita, Oonu, Ike. It wasn't hard.

"No, you don't get to do that," Hanna said shakily. It wasn't just her voice; her whole body was trembling. "You don't get to want to die. Y-You don't get to take this away from me. Not this too."

"Hanna, you are not doing anything else!" I said, concentrating on her.

Nick wasn't going to be ignored, however. With a grunt of pain, he got up to his feet, making sure to step back to a safe distance. "You won. Congrats. Not get this over with and finish it." He spread his arms with a wince.

"You don't get to make the terms!" Hanna said shrilly.

"You've taken away my Pokémon. My last psychic is dead, so I can't conveniently Teleport away. I'm caught, I'm hurt, and I'm tired of it all."

"No!" she screamed, stomping her foot.

"Nick, you be quiet," I commanded, walking towards Hanna. She backed away from me, though, eyes narrowed. "Hanna... See? Don't do this. Just go back, please."

"I should have killed you back in Hearthome," Nick said quietly. "It would have been a mercy. I hadn't know you would... I thought you were smarter than to do what I did."

No. Now he was pulling that on me. "You don't get to redeem yourself!" I snarled, wishing I was close enough to hit him. I heard Lola laugh behind him. I had been half-hoping she'd been squished by the falling Tyranitar or tossed into the lava by the Earthquake.

Nick continued dully, "So just kill me. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be responsible for ruining you two any more."

"No!" I roared, closing this distance and shoving him. He seemed surprised, but didn't fight back. "You don't get to play nice again! You don't get to lie or take advantage of my feelings anymore!"

He looked up at me with a hard expression, golden eyes glinting. "This is what you came here to do. You told me so yourself."

"But—you don't—" I spluttered, trying to reconcile this latest twist. He was taking it out of my hands. It wasn't fair. "Are you crazy?"

"No." Hanna and I both stared at him, taken aback by his harsh tone. Nick hunched his shoulders and jammed his hands in his pockets, mouth twisted into something between a snarl and Cossette's kicked Growlithe look. "I'm sane. Dangerously sane."

"You're lying," Hanna said at once, voice faint.

"You are," I echoed, even weaker. I still wanted to get Hanna and the others out of here, no matter what he was calling himself. The only difference was that this talking had put most of the battle in a lull. I couldn't hear the din of fighting behind us, so I hoped that meant that it was quiet over there, too.

"Matthew is dead." I knew, right then, that he was back. Nick Sayre, as he was, was back. And I knew why he had used the term dangerously to describe it. "My team is dying all around me—because of me—and look what I've forced you two into."

No, wait, that was even worse. Hanna beat me to it. "You have no right to talk about it that way! N-Not after what you did!"

"I'm sorry."

The tears finally came for her. She didn't bother trying to hide them; she only glared through them. "How dare you...! That fixes nothing! Stupid, hollow, empty words! They mean nothing, it does nothing, you still did it! It doesn't bring them back o-or fix anything!" she said, voice rushed and strained. She sniffled and grit her teeth, trying to stop her bottom lip from trembling. She settled on biting it. "You don't get to apologize. You just get to pay."

I realized, then and there, that Nick was trying to do the same thing Lola was trying to do to me. He was trying to piss her off, only unlike Lola's gambit, I could see that he wanted to do it for his twisted death wish. I wasn't going to let him get away with it. "No! Hanna, come here." She jerked her arm away from me but I pulled her over regardless. She shook her head, dark brown hair flying, and refused to look at me. "Hanna, don't do this. He's changed it—he's already decided he'll win on his own terms, no matter what. Don't let him do that." Not that I had any intention of letting him get away, but I would use this to talk her down.

"I—I still need to do this," she said, looking at me with confusion and desperation written in her eyes. He was being even crueler now, taking the power from us so easily. And even going so far as to apologize? Only now?

"Don't do this. I'll do it. Don't do this for revenge, and don't let him win."

"I never wanted this for either of you," Nick said regretfully. My glare snapped back to him. I didn't want him to be nice again, or apologetic, or redeemable. I needed him to be the villain, otherwise, all of this would have been for... not quite nothing, but certainly close.

"Don't," Hanna said again. "I won't forgive you."

"I can't expect you to."

"Then why are you trying?"

"If I'm going to die, why not try with a clean slate?"

"Shut up!" I shouted. He didn't deserve to be like this; he was easier to deal with when he'd thought I was Matthew, or when he was angry at me. I wasn't sure I could do this if he was trying to be my friend again. Not so soon after I'd cut my ties (at last).

I looked around and finally found that Skarmory feather I'd dropped earlier. I still had to get Hanna and the others out of here, but at least I could do it myself and wouldn't have to force Des to kill anyone else for me. Or any of my team. I reluctantly let go of Hanna, and after making sure she wouldn't rush over to Nick, trotted over to retrieve the feather.

It was near Lola's boot. She gave me another sharp grin, one that I tried to ignore. She still seemed far too happy with this. But I could deal with her after the others were out of danger and Nick was out of the picture.

"I didn't want to hurt either of you. But the joke was on me when I had to."

"You didn't have to!" Nick was still baiting Hanna. I strode back over, feather in hand, but I was glad to see that Hanna was still standing where I'd left her. Her tears seemed to have frozen her to the spot.

"You're right," he admitted flippantly. "I could have... There were probably other ways. But doesn't that make it more meaningless?"

Hanna had been more or less stable in her anger before, but he was slowly sending her over the edge. I had to act, and fast. I caught Jacques' eye and motioned him over towards Hanna. She'd probably never forgive me, but maybe I could catch her by surprise. Although I wasn't sure how to get the Tyranitar out of here. It was a dark Pokémon, and Jacques was already weaker than he had been. It had to be returned somehow.

Unfortunately, subtlety was never my strong suit. Hanna caught on and as Jacques stepped over to her, Vi under his arm still struggling and acting as an alarm. She ran over to her Tyranitar, wrapping her arms around its leg. "No!"

Things got infinitely worse when Nick took our distraction as an opening to make a run for it. He didn't head outside, but instead bolted for the bridge to get back to his team. Or the remains of his team.

"No!" I roared. I wavered for just a moment, though—fight with Hanna or keep Nick separated from his team? I didn't know if he had any healing items on him, but even if he was there to rally and direct them again, that was bad enough. I eventually made my decision. "Jacques, get the rest of them out of here, and keep Cossette in Sunyshore! Hanna, you just—stay there!" She would have to return her Tyranitar if she wanted to cross the bridge, so at least I had the chance to corner her then if she decided to try to take things into her own hands again.

I ran for the bridge. Nick had a head start on me, and my ribs protested painfully at more movement, but he was hurt, too. I caught him just as he reached the other stone. Des and the rest of my team were still near there, and Zarek halted him with a Water Gun that sent him to the ground. Chest heaving, I caught up with him and set my foot on his back to keep him down.

I glanced back and saw no sign of Jacques or the others. So my birds and Cossette were finally safe again. I only hoped Oonu was okay. Hanna made no move to follow us, at least not yet, so that was another good sign.

"Alone. Finally," I sighed and tightened my grip on the blade.

"Are you going to kill me?" Nick asked, tilting his head back as far as he could in order to look up at me.

"...If it means Hanna doesn't have to, then yes." I swallowed thickly. The threat still left a bad taste in my mouth, and his return to sanity had done nothing for my view on this matter. He knew who I was, what he'd done, how much he hurt us. And he was trying to be sorry. I swallowed again and tried to catch my breath. I glanced around. Several of his Pokémon were still up and conscious, but there did seem to be a lull in the actual fighting. Chase wasn't out cold like I'd thought; he was flat on the ground, though, eyes only open a crack. He growled softly to Nick, almost comfortingly.

He knew they were done for.

That should not have affected me as it did. I had separated Nick and his team, both physically and in my mind. But now... That sort of loyalty was too much. It reminded me far too much of my own team, my own starter. If I absolutely had to kill him, I didn't want it to be in front of them.

Although that made me wonder about Chase and the rest of them. What did I do with them? Give them the same fate? Leave them here? Call the police and let them deal with it?

"Chase, it's okay."

"Damn it, don't comfort him," I snapped, voice breaking. I looked over, desperately, at Des. That was all the beckoning he needed and he lumbered over, offering me my own comfort. Killing someone was a huge deal. Des had killed the Ariados for me; I had never outright murdered someone myself. Let alone someone I knew, someone I still had so many memories with, someone who had done all of this to me and my friends.

"...Please—"

"I'm not going to do it in front of Chase, so stop it!" I cried, taking my foot off of him and dragging him to his feet by the hood.

"...I meant, don't let Hanna do it," Nick said softly. He then looked down at the Skarmory feather. "Don't do it with your own hands," he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You are not going to complain on my technique of murder," I hissed. I raised the blade—and ended up resting it uselessly on his sleeve. I was already going over how to do this. I physically wasn't very strong right now, so I'd probably have to end up aiming for his neck. Or I could give in and let my Pokémon do it... Even the thoughts were making me feel sick.

Did I have it in me to kill him?

Me being me, the doubt soon took over. I let the feather slide off of his arm, cutting into the fabric. I could push him into the lava or something, but I couldn't handle hearing another splash like that Linoone. And what if he screamed or shouted or something on the way down? Too much time for last words that would probably make me as crazy as he made Hanna.

My stomach churned and I focused back on the present. "...Why don't you want Hanna to do it? Sadism? Don't want to be eaten by a Tyranitar?" I asked flatly.

Nick chuckled, although there was no humor in it. "Do you want her to fall any more?"

Oh no. He was trying to be nice again. I growled at him and took a step back, pressing up against Des' shoulder. "N-No, of course not! I can't lose both of my best friends!"

"I'm still your best friend?" he asked, surprised.

"No!" I spat. Finally, my answer to that question was the truth. No matter how much he apologized or begged or smiled or whatever, he had finally cut ties. He had hurt Hanna, he had hurt my team. My team in particular—they came first. No matter what. "Why do you suddenly care?"

"Because Chase got hurt," Nick said, looking over at his fallen dragon again. No, he was doing it again, trying to pretend to be a decent human being.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop pretending you care about anything except your dead brother!" That took him aback.

Nick stared at me for a long moment, and then what sounded suspiciously like he was holding back tears, told me, "I do. That's what got me into this mess."

"Stop lying!"

"...Fine." He spread his arms again, eyes downcast. "Kill me. Do it however, I guess. I just... didn't want this to happen."

"You dying?"

"You having to do it."

"Stop it!" I snapped for the umpteenth time. He was just twisting the knife in deeper. He figured he was losing, and now he was making sure it hurt as much as possible. It was petty and spiteful and nothing else. I wouldn't let it be anything else. Mercy was beyond me. It had to be if I stood any chance of getting out of here with my sanity and team intact. "You can't play nice now. That's not fair."

"You're right." He dropped his arms and took a step backwards towards the bridge. He looked up at me, and I could see that he was indeed crying too, tears cutting tracks in the dirt and blood on his face. I couldn't help but remember that first interview I watched of him—just out of Victory Road and with the same exact expression on his face. Just after he released Lassie. "I'm sorry. I-I can't play the villain anymore."

Oh no.

Now he was going to actively try to take advantage of me again. I bit the inside of my cheek and raised the blade, bracing myself against Des.

"I tried, I did. I can see now you at least hate me."

"Don't lie to me," I warned. He was being so aggravating, I probably would've wanted to kill him just for the frustration he was causing me.

"I'm not lying," he said, reminding me too much of Lola. "But—okay, sorry. Just keep thinking of me what you will. Please... don't hurt my Pokémon, though. They were just following my orders."

"No they weren't!" I bit out. If anything, our teams had been the ones to escalate this, completely independent of our wishes or orders. Nick shook his head, shaggy hair flying. "I-I don't know what I'm going to do with your team," I admitted, weakening as I thought of my own team, "but... I'm not guaranteeing anyone's safety. They... hurt my team. They hurt me. They're dangerous and angry and desperate, and I'm not going to just..." I didn't know where that thought was headed. I trailed off.

Nick locked eyes with Chase once more. "...Take me. Not them, not any of them. Just me. It was my fault, I'm the one who snapped."

"No, don't be noble," I all but begged. Damn him. I just wanted him to shut up and... There. The death wish was already fading fast. I simply wanted him gone, but the anger was rapidly being shoved out by frustration and confusion and regret that we ended up here at all.

I was losing this uphill battle. I couldn't hate Nick for any period of time. I thought of Hanna, and Carlita, and Ike, and Oonu—and even Cynthia and Candice, but it was just... I could be mad at him, and I could want to hurt him. I clung to those, but the rage bubbling under the surface was only a simmer now. He was apologizing, that ass, and he was crying and being protective and still sounded so terribly sane.

"Damn it." I turned and buried my face in Des' fur, threading my fingers through it. He rumbled comfortingly, but that worsened it. I knew he'd follow me in whatever I did at this point. Probably. He wouldn't try to talk me out of another murder, not anymore. "Des..." I looked up through his fur, finding Carlita. Tail burned and just a stump, her heels still reddened with her blood. Ike was on his other side, but he was hurt and blinded and Harlan had run to him... Even she was working against my 'Nick is evil and deserves to die' mentality.

"If you want help—" Konstantin began, but I shook my head stubbornly. I wanted to hurt Nick, not my own teammates.

"If you won't do this." My grip on the feather tightened as Nick spoke up. I oh so hesitantly looked at him over my shoulder, still clinging to Des' hide. "I'll just... I'm not above damning her to protect you. I guess I thought you were strong enough, mad enough to do this."

"No!" He was not using Hanna. He wasn't going to use her—either of us!—for his own gain. Even if it was death. Unfortunately, Nick was slightly more decisive than I was. (Impulsive, probably.) He turned on his heel and made for the bridge while I was busy untangling myself from Des. I gave chase, but his Rhydon got in between us with a snarl and a lashing of its heavy tail.

I backpedaled as Vasudeva staggered to his feet and joined the cause with a Flamethrower that narrowly missed me. Zarek jumped in to stop the Magmar and kept him away pretty easily, considering how injured he was, but the Rhydon was in much better condition. Des' fire didn't do much, and Carlita was in the middle of charging another Solarbeam. An Arbok slithered up from the other side of the rock, hissing at Ike and Harlan.

I crouched down closer to the ground and tried to run for the bridge again. The Rhydon stopped me in my tracks with what had to have been a Stone Edge. The rock it fired shattered just in front of me, creating cracks in the stone. I hardly had the time to think at how that could have been me before Konstantin shoved me down into my shadow with a snarled, "You will not touch him!"

We barely got out on the other side of the Rhydon. I could tell Konstantin was tiring, especially considering the small distance covered. Still, I got past the main roadblock. Nick was just about halfway across the bridge, injuries slowing him as well. Hanna was out on the bridge, too, but not too far; she still hadn't returned her Tyranitar and didn't seem willing to get too far away.

The Rhydon swung its tail at us, not quite fast enough to turn fully around in that time frame, and its tip caught my side. It was my less hurt side, but it still sent me to the ground with a bit-back snarl of pain. It had me coughing up blood yet again, at any rate. I swore, Nurse Joy was going to kill me for returning to Sunyshore this beat up. ...If I returned.

Konstantin floated up from the side of the bridge, holding one paw awkwardly. The Rhydon must have knocked him out of the air when it had attacked me. Blue flames suddenly sprang up on the other side of the Rhydon, too. Chase was down, but definitely not out. With a screech, Alice sprang into dragon fighter mode once more.

The Rhydon had turned around to face us, raising up more rocks into the air around it. I scrambled to my feet, wincing, and tried to make a run for it. It wouldn't use any attack powerful enough to damage the bridge, since Nick was still on it, but if it managed to nail me with even one of those rocks, I'd be even more of a lost cause.

"You will not harm my comrade!" I caught the flash of light out of my peripheral vision, but the change in voice was the noticeable part. That wasn't translated Pokémon speech. I turned around, hanging onto the rope railing for support, and watched as my newly evolved Dusclops charged at the Rhydon and grappled with it. He was so much bigger, but—so much different. He wasn't floating, he wasn't small, he didn't even have a mask anymore. I had seen Dusclops before, but I couldn't acknowledge Konstantin as one. Nevermind the fact that he was talking in my own tongue. For the first time in what felt like forever, I did, however, feel that niggling seed of hope.

So I stood there, staring like a loon, until their brawling got too close to one of the supports of the bridge and knocked it cleanly out of the rock.

Luckily, it was only one of the railings that fell. Unluckily, it was the one I had been leaning on. I flailed and nearly tipped over, windmilling my arms to keep my balance. The bridge swayed dangerously, but it was the back swing that ultimately saved me and I fell back onto the wooden planks. Heart racing, I glanced back at Konstantin and the Rhydon before turning my attention forward once more. He appeared to have gotten a second wind from his evolution; he could handle that.

Nick was hanging off of the remaining railing, looking shaken at the sudden development, and Hanna had retreated to the safety of the rock across the way once more. She made a shooing motion to me, but I set my jaw and got back up to my feet. She wasn't going to do this, not with the way she had just been acting. Nor was Nick going to get away that easily.

I stayed closer to the safer side, and went as fast as I could without falling to my death. Nick was even slower. I started to catch up—and then felt the bridge sway crazily again.

I looked back and found Des waddling across the bridge. After it swung a bit, his weight actually served to stabilize it a bit, keeping it from swinging even more. Not that I wanted him on there. "Go back!" I looked past him, and caught Carlita parked next to Zarek, with Ike and Harlan, holding her tail over his face, on his other side. Alice was fighting Chase, and Konstantin was fighting the Rhydon.

"I am not letting you face this alone. And I am certainly not letting you go over to that side alone again," he reprimanded. The bridge groaned underneath us at his weight as he neared, but it held. I couldn't imagine what would happen if it broke. Then again, maybe if we all died, that would be the cleanest solution.

I am getting macabre, I thought ruefully. Des would follow me no matter what, and I had to admit that he was comforting. Just so long as we didn't die because of it. Then again, my mindset was already crashing and burning, so the danger was the last thing on my mind. "Fine, whatever. Just be careful!"

I was closing the distance rapidly. Behind us, the battle went on. I heard Alice's squawks frequently, mingled with various other, less distinct snarls and shouts. I was less than ten feet from Nick, and probably two thirds across the bridge, when it shook again. Chase had clawed his way onto the bridge, more or less dragging his body. I didn't see Alice anywhere and my heart skipped a beat. The dragon struggled into the air, but crashed onto the bridge again, making it wobble even more dangerously.

Nick had stopped once Chase had arrived. "Go back!" he shouted just as I reached him.

"Get back onto the other side and leave Hanna out of this," I hissed at him, voice just barely audible over everything else. Des snorted behind me. I did feel better with him at my back, and definitely more intimidating.

"I never could," he replied evenly, backing up a step. I reached out and made a swipe at him, but he stepped out of that, too. I finally caught hold of his sleeve and yanked him back towards us. He wasn't crying anymore, but he still didn't seem completely... whatever else he was supposed to be. There was nothing but regret there. "You still remind me of him," he told me.

"I am not Matthew! Not your dead little brother!"

"I know." He tensed, probably expecting me to hit him or something. I didn't, but I didn't let go of him, either. "I am going to make you hate me even more..."

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I'm going to be truthful again," he replied with a forced smile. Nick looked back at Hanna, and then back at me, and said all at once, "I hurt her to keep you away from me. I did it out of selfishness and desperation. It wasn't necessary, at all. I stopped The Tournament because they were crazy enough to follow me. I never wanted any of—"

"Stop justifying yourself!" I commanded, and he quieted. He stared down at me, still all sorts of regretful and all too knowing that he wasn't going to make it out of here alive tonight. If I didn't do it, Hanna would, if I couldn't stop her. Even if I could, I wasn't sure I could control either of our Pokémon. And if he really was that keen on dying, he could do it himself easily.

"...I never wanted to hurt you. Either of you. It was just easier to aim for her," Nick confessed. "I acted excessively in hopes of scaring you both off. You, I guess. Somewhere... along the lines, I guess the lines between you and Matthew blurred. Maybe even before Ato arrived. I couldn't hurt you, and now look what I've done." His shoulders slumped.

I ground my teeth and tried not to punch him. I finally figured out my main problem with this. It wasn't my roller coaster of emotions or flip flops of views on him (although those were certainly factors). It was the fact that between him and Hanna, the decision was taken out of my hands. I was stuck reacting, instead of acting. I wanted—needed—to do this my way, and this entire night had been a debacle.

I didn't care what I thought of him, not anymore. He was apologizing. He was regretting. He was crying again. He was sad and pathetic and a victim of circumstances and his own feelings. He had been my best friend, for a long time, and somewhere, I knew that was still there. But he was also a killer and a threat, not only to Sinnoh, not only to my friends, but to my team. That overrode the jumble of feelings and thoughts. I only had to stop more heartbreak before it all came crashing down around my ears and I broke down.

I briefly entertained a thought. Of him, in prison, alive but away and safely away at that.

The thought evaporated when he put his free hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the contact with the burn and stepped back, nearly bumping into Des. "I'm sorry. That's what I wanted you to know. I tried, and I failed. I messed up, and I think I messed up you two, too. I'm—"

"Stop apologizing. It's getting annoying," I snapped. I shrugged him off and I could feel the bridge vibrate beneath us as Chase crawled closer. I had no idea what he thought he would do once he got this far, but I knew it probably wouldn't be great for either side. I glanced up at Hanna. She was glaring stonily at us, not quite close enough to act and visibly hating it. I didn't know if she was past her indecision, especially since Nick had taken away that for her, too, but I wasn't going to risk it. Just so long as no one nudged the bridge too hard, this could be finished here.

Nick grinned again. This time it was only marginally less forced. "I almost miss being crazy, you know? It made this easier to deal with." That was for sure.

"Yeah... I guess," I grunted noncommittally, still wondering what I was going to do. Chase was getting closer. Hanna was losing her patience. This was the only time I would get to myself.

"Your eyes are so dark now." I looked up at him, said eyes narrowed.

"More tragedy," I replied tersely. Three greater tragedies. Those hadn't cropped up, at least not so explicitly, in a long time.

"I've tried everything," Nick sighed dramatically. "I sort of regret it now, but you couldn't have just let her do away with me? You wouldn't have had to face this, then..."

"I'm not losing Hanna to you. Or anyone else. Why do you care what I face or do or experience?"

"Because you're my friend."

"You don't get to use that word anymore."

"Oh. Then... You're a precious memory to me that I didn't want the future to sully?" he guessed. He wasn't taking me—or the situation—seriously. It grated on my nerves, and they were already frayed. Nick looked down and, reading my expression, smiled helplessly. He set both hands on my shoulders, just barely avoiding the burns, and said, "Believe me or not, but I didn't want you to fall like me."

I finally lost my temper with him. "Nick Sayre, it has been too long since—" I threw off his hands and gave him a shove for good measure.

Unfortunately, that sent him off balance. On an already unstable bridge missing one of its railings. He stumbled, falling forward, and one foot slipped off the plank. He fell off entirely and already I threw myself at him, only thinking no! Not like this! I managed to grab one of his arms, although his weight sent me onto one knee. It was like Alicia all over again. My shoulders and chest screamed at me for forcing this upon them.

And again, gravity was working against me. Nick was heavier than Alicia and I didn't have Tessa's help. He hung there for a moment, suspended by one arm, and I was sliding down and forward rapidly.

I slipped forward and had a brief moment of the sensation of falling before Des caught the back of my hoodie in his teeth. Chase roared in a panic and pushed himself off of the bridge, jostling it again. My hoodie was only tied around my waist. The movement, the weight, the force of gravity. The fabric let go and before he could lunge forward and catch me again, before Chase made it to either of us, Nick and I fell.